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Illegal Beef
The beef claimed to be British but that was a lie. Mitch McConnell fell lol. The roman artifact was maybe not so phallic? Tesla steering wheels are falling off again and a literal heist went down in Chile.
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What time is it on the moon?
The moon may need a time zone. Cop city protests escalate further. Elon Musk is going for world record on assholery. The French are doing their thing. Biden might be putting migrants in cages again. But hey, a long awaited game sequel comes out this year!
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Royal Exoskeleton Ping Pong
Exoskeletons to help improve mobility for those who need it. CPAC happened but who cares. Crypto director of engineering pleads guilty to bad money stuff. Companies track a dangerous amount of information. Detective Pikachu makes a return.
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Yes, Starbucks Busts Unions
Starbucks did "egregious and widespread" labor law violations. Tons of snow cut California's droughts in half. BetterHelp settles after sharing user therapy info with Facebook. Minecraft's next update gets a name.
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The Metaverse is on Life Support
OpenAI opens up their AI. Trains are really having a horrifying moment. US politicians love to hate TikTok. Meta ain't doing so hot with the metaverse.
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Australians Eat the Sun
Solar power in Australia is going hard. A Florida man had so much child porn it was measured in tons. The US Marshal Service got super owned. SNAP benefits are about to be a lot less helpful.
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Express Cocaine Delivery
UPS drivers get an express delivery to prison. Mickey Mouse has a new sheriff. Everyone is doing AI in the dumbest ways possible. And y'all? It's time to talk about salmon.
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Stuff Kept Happening
I was only gone for a week. Why did it all happen? Anyway, the Mormon Church has bread. The Dilbert guy sucks but we knew that. Elon sucks, too. Jimmy Carter is saying goodbye. And like just a lot more.
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Storm's a-brewin'
A big ol' storm system is going to sweep the continental US. Bing's AI is extremely sassy. DOJ is digging further into Apple antitrust stuff. Also, a quick programming note.
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200,000 Cadbury Creme Eggs
A man with a plan nearly pulled off the heist of the century. Rust is going to resume filming despite manslaughter charges. Ohio residents are rightfully angry. Twitter is basically just Elon now.
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Love was made up by Hallmark to sell cards
Big storms a-comin'. Also its not aliens, Biden hates architecture, teen girls are dealing with unprecedented garbage and more.
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Fine, I'll talk about the balloons
It really is a lot of balloons. The Ohio train disaster is not okay. Tech layoffs passed a quarter million in January. Cops already trashed an accountability tool. The sun is going buckwild.