WHAT

The 1st Multi-Annual Devvy Awards

I present to you the finalists for most absurd story of the week

Endeavorance

Sep 20, 2024 — 3 min read

I truly do not know what is in the water this week, y'all. But we're going to do something a little different today. I could not determine which of these stories is the most beyond wack, so I will pitch them each as a contender for the first ever Devvy Awards—one of the highest honors known to mankind—awarded to the most deeply confounding stories.

But before we get to the finalists, I wanted to say a quick "thank you" to all the paid supporters of Stuff Keeps Happening. Your contributions through a paid SKH.news subscription or my Patreon help me get closer to a sustainable situation. We've got a little way to go before SKH is truly self-sustaining, so if you enjoy my work, I'd deeply appreciate taking a moment to check out the paid newsletter options or the variety of Patreon tiers available. As always, sharing my work is equally appreciated!

Now, on to our finalists.

MoviePass Was a Scam

We knew this already, but MoviePass—the failed subscription movie-going service—was a scam, and now former CEO Mitch Lowe has plead guilty to securities fraud after misleading investors into thinking that their absurd $9.95/mo unlimited movie plan was drawing incredible numbers.

Turns out it wasn't. Obviously. And the SEC sued him, to which he said "lol yeah I mean, yeah."

Sheriff Arrested for Killing Judge

Rural Kentucky District Judge Kevin Mullins was shot multiple times in his courthouse in a small town of less than 2,000 residents. The initial investigation has landed the local Sheriff, Shawn M. Stines, as the killer. He is being charged with first degree murder.

The deceased judge Mullins was known in his community for his involvement in addiction treatment programs.

Diddy the Diddler

Section Content Warning: Sexual Assault

Diddy (real name Sean Combs) was arrested after massive allegations about him throwing "freak offs" at his mansion, which featured trafficked sex workers who he drugged to "keep obedient" and fulfill the sexual fantasies of him and his entourage for days on end.

You've possibly seen people talking about an outlandish amount of baby oil. They reportedly found 1,000 bottles of baby oil in his house, used for these "events."

Anyway, he's super in custody now, and on suicide watch because my goodness, it looks bad for him.

North Carolina Gubernatorial Candidate Calls Himself a "Black Nazi" on Porn Forums

Lt. Governor Mark Robinson of North Carolina spent a while railing against an upcoming CNN investigative journalism piece, and it finally dropped yesterday. WOWZA.

The article is about Robinson's extensive use of a porn site forum, where he posted some of the wildest imaginable shit for years. This happened around the early 2010's, before he was in office. Among the things he posted included a statement that he is a "Black Nazi," suggestions to bring back slavery, admissions of peeping underage girls through a window, and a ton about consuming transgender pornography, which is only notable because of his stark anti-trans stances.

Trump has previously called Mark Robinson "Martin Luther King on steroids."

New York Magazine Reporter Had Relationship with RFK Jr

New York Magazine reporter Olivia Nuzzi is on leave after it came out that she had established an off-the-record "personal relationship" with RFK in the past year or so. Given the questions about objectivity with coverage, she has been placed on leave.

Per her quote:

"earlier this year, the nature of some communication [between myself and] and a former reporting subject turned personal. During that time, I did not directly report on the subject nor use them as a source.
The relationship was never physical but should have been disclosed to prevent the appearance of a conflict. I deeply regret not doing so immediately and apologize to those I've disappointed, especially my colleagues at New York"

I've got no idea what level of "personal" is being implied here, and I am truly trying to determine just what must've been going on if "non-physical communication with them" was enough to put her entirely on leave.

Teamsters Straight Up Gave Up

The Teamsters union on Wednesday decided to just not endorse anyone for President of the United States, ending their decades-long tradition of doing so.

Upon polling their members, around 60% wanted to endorse Trump, while around 34% wanted to endorse Harris. The union's administrative board looked at each other, presumably knowing how fucking absurd it is that 60% of their union members want to endorse Donald John Trump—a man whose entire identity is that of a shrewd business man who casts workers aside and fails to pay his debts to workers constantly—and decided to just say "eh, guess we'll just stay quiet."

The Teamsters Union previously endorsed Hillary Clinton, Joe Biden, Barack Obama, John Kerry, and Al Gore.