Very Normal Accidental Bombings

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Mutiny! In New Zealand

My new favorite band

Members of the Royal New Zealand Navy are striking today in the first mutiny their navy has seen. Citing poor pay when compared to other sectors of the New Zealand Defense Force, the few hundred mutineers have nonviolently declared their intention to ignore orders in protest.

To try and make up for the, yknow, not having a crew for their ships, the NZ Navy (NZavy?) began slurping up sailors who have been waiting for their posts anyway. The NZavy also made it clear that sailors who do not return will be noted as AWOL

We accidentally bombed the absolute hell out of the wrong city

The US has accidentally dropped SIXTY TONS of bombs on a city in Switzerland that we thought was a German Nazi town.

About 50 B-24 bombers dropped the bombs after navigators and pilots got a bit TURNED AROUND when seeking out their target of Ludwigshafen am Rhein. Instead, they found the quaint little Swiss town of Schaffhausen and bombed the actual hell out of it. 40 people died with 270 injured.

But its okay, because we gave them $4 Million as a recognition of our "whoopsie-doodle"

Marvin Gaye murdered by father

Widely adored RR&B and soul singer Marvin Gaye has been murdered in his home by his father who reportedly shot him after a dispute. Gaye was about to turn 45. His father has plead no contest to voluntary manslaughter, which is kinda super bullshit, because it looks like his sentencing is going to be relatively light, despite having just murdered his son over an argument. His charge went from Murder 1 to manslaughter because of a brain tumor for some reason.

It wasn't even his argument in the first place. Marvin got between his parents in an altercation they were having, and he paid the price.

Same sex marriage legal, finally

The Netherlands is leading the world, formally legalizing same sex marriage. After the bill passed in the house in September and in the senate during December, Queen Beatrix approved of the law to go into effect today.

This is a major step in gay rights of course, and hopefully we'll see a bunch of other countries follow this leadership and right the wrongs against the queer community.

Speak deez nuts, lmao gottem

We're a real country now! Frederick Muhlenberg has been elected as the first Speaker of the US House of Representatives.

Formerly a member of the Continental Congress, Muhlenberg went on to serve in the PA house, eventually becoming the speaker there before being the Big Speaker at the House of Representatives in New York City.

Muhlenberg is reportedly the one we should thank for simply referring to the POTUS as "Mr. President" rather than "His High Mightiness" or "His Elected Majesty," which were other terms pushed by John Adams. Yikes.

More Stuff

• Emperor Justin I has named his nephew, Justinian I as his successor, which seems like some on-the-nose nepotism
• Union troops have successfully cut off the last supply line of the Army of Northern Virginia
• Because they cannot help but colonize, the Singapore has become the latest British crown colony
• Two dudes—both named Steve—have founded some kind of fruit company
• Oh, and it's April Fools Day